I’m Scared.

Of all of it. Feeling too much, too little. Doing too much, not doing enough. I’m scared to jump. To trust myself. To believe in the good. To believe that I will not fall, but instead rise and claim my blessings. I’m letting doubt creep in. I’m trying not to have expectations but in turn, I’m allowing the expectation of failure to creep in so I won’t be disappointed if things don’t go the way I want. Everything I tell my friends not to worry about I’m doing the same thing. Avoiding all my advice because I’m so scared to get my hopes up. I have 3 interviews Friday for a job in Columbus that I thought I didn’t want, but in truth, I really do. It means I have to leave something behind, and at first I didn’t want to close out this chapter of my life, but I’m imagining all the possibilities and blessings that could come if I were to receive this blessing. As I said before, the things in my life happen completely unexpectedly. I notice I get really scared when I’m in too deep. In all things, life, love, careers, etc. I don’t wanna back out, but I kinda wanna back out. It’s like Briston Maroney’s, Freaking Out On the Interstate song, something about how fear is apart of love. Essentially, you have to risk something to get the reward. I get scared. I’m so scared. Because there’s no going back and things may go my way or they may not. But I have to believe in the good, that the best is yet to come. I have to believe that I am worthy/qualified/and most of all deserving. “And love’s what you deserve” Life is hard, man. But these are also our most defining moments. It’s about how we show up to our biggest challenge, will we ride up confident and believe in ourselves or tremble to the stage and allow doubt to carry us over? It’s our choice. Simple.

Today, I’m choosing to believe in myself. Because all the past defining moments in my life have made me better. I’m showing up for the girl in 2018 who created false thoughts about how she wasn’t good enough to do x,y,z. Who was incredibly depressed and still managed to come out with 2 internship offers. Who placed an immense amount of pressure on herself and failed to value and give herself credit. The one who seeked reassurance externally instead of internally. All along you did thrived in a time of darkness and despair. You did the damn thing. Give yourself credit then and now. This is your time.. It’s always been your time. You are divinely guided and protected. Believe it. See it. Be it.

All along you were blooming.

You have come such a long way from your lowest low.

Entertain the thought that things will work out just as you’ve imagined, if not greater.

Keep Moving Forward. — Reborn, KIDS SEE GHOSTS