Better Days Ahead
*Adele’s 30 album for better understanding, Easy on Me & I Drink Wine.
This past weekend sparked lots of realizations that gave me time today, (Sunday) to fully understand them. Life leading up to this weekend has been a little different, or maybe I should say I’ve been different… We recently celebrated Thanksgiving and it was probably my #2 best Thanksgiving hahaha it was most definitely a “high” thanksgiving. A small close, but whole some group. Family and some friends with lots of laughs and munchies in between. I smoked almost everyone down, it was obvious we were partaking in activities had some alcohol and overall a great time! I was happy to see my favorite guy cousins, have my close cousins, my older cousin whom I’ve gotten closer with since Yoya tbh. It was just a wholesome Thanksgiving that was much needed, despite everyone being separated this year. It’s what I personally needed. My mom even pressured my aunt to take an edible for the first time, it was truly remarkable. Tiring, but so fun lol. My mom had been irritating me with her constant jabs so my vibe for the next week was truly shaped because of this. I remained in my room the majority of the week, keeping to myself, reflecting and the occasional glass or two of wine each night. Work was a lot that previous week and I was so tired from all the festivities. I just needed time to decompress and honestly wanted to avoid any draining energy from interacting with my mom. I felt guilty because I just wanted to have a conversation about my feelings but I knew it wouldn’t go the way I intended so I bottled up my feelings — I know I’m being taught to not indulge in destructive habits, but I wasn’t ready for this — I’m still learning how to navigate all my different relationships with everyone. & change takes time. Anyway the guilt was eating away at me but the following week I made more appearances and I’ve learned we can’t want change for others, when they don’t want it for themselves. It leaves us tired and dissappointed. I guess I’m learning to accept people for who they are instead of who I wish for them to be. I’m learning to be the change you wish to see. It’s a slow process and maybe one day we’ll be heard how we hope.
This weekend was brought to you by Jess. I love my best friend hahaha. She wanted to spend sometime with my cousin before we left. He said, hell yes. I extended the invite to his best friends I met in Denver. It didn’t end up coming to fruition as I hoped, but it was a great time from the small moments I remember lol.. Damn you, Vodka. We can never be friends, now more than ever #gluten. But I remember why I stopped drinking you, spicyness/riskyness and spotty nights I barely remembers. It was a blacked out blur, but I’m pretty sure it ruled! It was just the four of us at a turtle race, but it was so much fun! Some behind the scenes set ups tried may have tried to occur, I don’t know lol my few take aways were, I’m never drinking Vodka again. Life will slowly get better. I have good people in my life and found some new people I vibe with. I don’t really know where this story will lead or if there’s ever more to come, but I concluded I had lots of fun and would like to have more nights like that. Ever meet some people you kinda hit it off with or feel like, I want to hang with you again! ?! That’s the vibe. Not really attaching or thinking beyond that concept. I’ve overcomplicated in the past and I hope to have learned my lesson haha I do believe timings everything, but some people come in your life for a season for a reason… I’ve definitley noticed more attention coming my way, and I’m kinda shocked by it but I’m remembering to have compassion and say, “why are you shocked you are a whole ass woman!” More people introduced them selves to me later that weekend. It was different, it was good and now I’m making another city appearance for a Christmas party next week. I’m excited! I’m just trying to enjoy these last few weeks in IL before they’re gone. I’m starting to get sad about leaving, but I’m sooooo excited. It’s quite bittersweet because I feel like the rest of my life is full of so many unknowns. But I feel like whatever God has planned for these new parts of my life will be amazingly unexpected.
Hold On, by Adele
I liked what I did in my last story, so we’re going to keep it going.
- Remember how far you’ve come, from where you were last year to even a few months ago. Slow and steady brought you this growth and healing. Embrace this blooming season.
- Let time be patient.
- Let pain be gracious.
- Embrace not knowing what comes next, what it means, what will come. Enjoy the unknown — dream in endless possibilities.
- Live authentically and present in each current moment.
- You are going somewhere you haven’t gone yet. You may not have a sense of what comes next, but you know yourself better now. You’ve learned a lot of lessons that are meant to serve you in this next chapter. Let yourself gently become the next iteration of yourself. This hasn’t been easy, but now you know the strength of your resilience, the depths of your courage. And that is worth everything.
- If you can’t express your feelings, what’s the point?
- Everything is temporary, it won’t feel like this forever.
- Asking for and accepting help will change your life.
- The whole point of life is to change, evolve and grow. Don’t resist, embrace it.
- Not everything you want is meant for you.
- Don’t let your empathy, impede on your self-respect.
- Stop waiting on them & start pouring that energy back into yourself.
What if the beauty of life is the ways in which it can continue to surpri\se us? What if some of the future was meant to remain a mystery?
Take it day, by day. It’s all unfolding how it’s meant to. ❤