A Roadblock or an Opportunity?
How does one go about living their best life and thriving if those closest to them are not? It’s hard to be happy when you see your friends/family struggle. How do you continue embracing all the good while knowing someone else is so sad and depressed? How do you help them? Can you even help them? The full moon is in Scorpio. We’re meant to release. I feel feelings of releasing people, and releasing thoughts surrounding me or at least to focus less on me. Is it selfish of me to kinda be upset? Everytime I find myself coming to a good place something holds me back. While I say this story is all about me, I don’t think it is this month. I think I’m meant to be there for others this month and extend an open arm. How do I do this without neglecting my own needs? Structure + Flexibility to make structure sustainable. I’m a little sad but also maybe this is an opportunity to help me release attachment to things that are no longer serving me and focus on giving, being a better friend, contributing to society (the gratitude effect). The theme of the year is patience. This also makes me a little sad. I am so impatient. Literally. So, impatient. I feel like I’m just waiting for my time to shine and I keep waiting and waiting for things to just keep getting pushed back. I don’t want the spotlight right on me, I just want to feel good and have things be good for a bit. I guess I want to just stop working on myself and enjoy the moment. I know this is impossible. I can’t simply take a break because that leads to detrimental behavior/actions. Self care requires work, everyday. It takes work to be good and okay.
Rushing Back — Flume
I know I said I was actually letting go and I partially feel like I did. Like honestly I feel like that was big progress. I think I just miss people. I’ve been allowing myself to feel whatever I feel, *guilty* I have been giving into thoughts that don’t serve me but acknowledge that they don’t serve me, but how do you move on? There are friendships that I miss. I acknowledged my past feelings and how I have a new perspective of going after what I want and showing more emotion than I have in the past. How do I deal with all these feelings/emotions all at once? How do I know which ones to keep and which to get rid of? Every time I feel one I feel all of them, simultaneously. I’m totally holding out for something in hopes that the future will work out how I want it to, but what if it’s really not suppose to. What if I’m just telling myself it may workout in the future just because it’s the most excitement I’ve had in awhile and think this is all that’s left to appear in my life. What if I start believing that something new and completely better still exists? Idk. I’m always brought back to the idea of, “what if” and patience is the theme of the year. I guess I’m full of Idk’s and quien sabe’s (spanish for “who knows” aka abuelita’s go-to word). Idk man this pandemic is making me look at every corner of my mind. I miss people. I miss my friends. I miss experiences. I miss having a good conversation in person. I miss it being normal. I MISS IT. For someone who doesn’t usually miss anything other than exotic destinations or experiences, this is weird. It’s rare for me to miss people, but maybe that means I’m letting more love into my life? Lightbulb? Maybe it’s me just being human. Or maybe it’s me finally realizing that what matters most in life is how you take care of yourself and the people in your life. Quarantine has made me adjust my schedule/routine COUNTLESS times. It’s actually made me a little more comfortable with change but still challenging to set a routine so quickly in a new environment. I’ve come to enjoy quarantine, as soon as I submit my last assignment that I keep dragging. I need to work on changing my attitude/outlook/perspective. I want to be able to be productive without having to be on a time crunch. Give into my flow when I want/need to. The outlook I have on life determines the outcome. I need to continue to believe that the best is yet to come, because ultimately, I think it’s what’s been keeping me going. But actually believing in it, not just saying it.
For May-
I think I need to release external attachments. RELEASE them. Acknowledge and release. Acknowledge that they will never be gone forever but refrain from giving them POWER. When I find myself attaching I need to find attachment within MYSELF. Ask why I am attaching and why not to myself. What is it that I really seek in that attachment?
I need to be there for others. I need to spend time with others for them and myself. Learn something new, create a new memory. Laugh. Sulk. Cry. Whatever it is, someone somewhere needs you. You may need one of them too.
Maintain a discipline routine. Routine/structure is what keeps me in check. Continue running and practicing yoga. It does the head and heart well.
*It’s okay to miss people. You can miss the past. But remember that you are not walking in that direction. In order to have new bettering experiences we have to look ahead. Don’t forget the past because it brought you to where you are now. Acknowledge the good it has done but learn and let go.
The best is yet to come.
